You've sent a hundred cold emails this week.
You know the feeling, you hit send, watch the open rate tick up... and then nothing.
No replies other than a million angry TAKE ME OFF YOUR LIST emails.
Most emails read like a product brochure dumping features at your prospect instead of a message from an actual human who did their research.
So we asked top outbound sales trainer Jason Bay to tear down 5 real cold emails from real reps live on camera.
This was the 2nd best email of them all. And we’re breaking it down step-by-step:
- Subject Line: 2-4 words unmistakeable about them (no selling)
- Relevance + Problem: Something you saw about them attached to a problem you solve
- Value + Social Proof: How companies like them solved it with you
- An Offer-Based CTA: Something that makes them smarter even if they never buy.
If you want to see which email actually took home the win, check out the full video here.
Let's get into it.
1: The Subject Line
The company: A global HR platform that handles international hiring and onboarding anywhere in the world, in under 5 minutes.
🟡 The subject line isn’t too bad! (Store Hiring + Onboarding). On the bright side, it doesn’t feel like they’re pitching at all. On the downside, the capitalization and plus sign felt a little salesy.
2: Relevance + Problem
🟢 Jason loved the personalization paragraph because it jumps right into something about them.
The rep didn't open with BS pleasantries like "I wanted to reach out" → they opened with a specific trigger that proves they did their research.
🟢 Then they connected the personalization to a problem, which is the right move.
Paragraph 2 is just a bit generic, but paragraph 3 is really where the triggering specific problem language comes in, so Jason suggested consolidating those two into one.
[P.S. if you want to learn more from Jason on how to write the perfect cold email. Check out his course here]
3: The Value + Social Proof
🟢 That last social proof line is money.
And the Gong data backs it up, incorporating social proof and outcome language like this increases reply rates by more than 40%.
The only fix: Merge those two paragraphs into one. Instead of explaining what the platform does and then what the prospect gets out of it.
4: The CTA
🔴 The CTA is the only thing Jason said he’d really overhaul.
For a meeting, it feels heavy for a buyer. So at the least, this could be an interest CTA like “open to taking a look?”
But the best CTAs are actually offer-based CTAs. In other words, how can you make your prospect’s life better after the meeting, even if they never buy.
For example: Jason offers an outbound sequence audit for teams that he’s offering to train instead of just a meeting to talk about training.
Here's your final cold email framework.
Jason’s cold email framework always has these components, in order:
- Subject Line: 2-4 words unmistakeable about them (no selling)
- Relevance + Problem: Something you saw about them attached to a problem you solve
- Value + Social Proof: How companies like them solved it with you
- An Offer-Based CTA: Something that makes them smarter even if they never buy.
This was a solid email! And you can learn how to write an even better one using our cold email course. Check it out here:
Cold Email Course
